Already Gone
by Caskettlove22
Summary: Remember all the things we wanted? Now all our memories they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye.
1. Chapter 1

**'You know that I love you so**

**I love you enough to let you go' Kelly Clarkson**

**Based on the song 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson. Very angsty, don't hate me.**

**Disclaimer: Pfft, I wish I owned them, but I have full trust in AM and co.**

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Something was off with Kate Beckett, this was the first time she hadn't said goodbye before going to work, the first time her lips hadn't softly kissed him goodbye. Instead, she had snuck out before he woke up, a feeling of sadness and dread in the pit of her gut.

She sat at her desk, pondering this new feeling and came to a decision. They needed to talk.

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Rick Castle woke to the loud ringing of his cellphone, scrubbing a hand over his face he slowly opened his eyes. His brow furrowed at the sight of an empty bed, but he grabbed his phone before it could go to voicemail.

"We need to talk." Came Kate's familiar voice, but it didn't hold the usual playful tone. No, her tone was serious, with a hint of regret, sadness almost.

"Did you call to bug me about getting your coffee?" Castle asked, trying to lighten the mood, still not sure what was going on.

"I'm serious, Castle," her voice was harsh, making him wince, "Meet me at the 12th."

"Okay." Castle said, unable to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

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Kate put down her cellphone, hoping she hadn't made the wrong decision. A tear fell down her cheek, but she reminded herself that she had to do this. They couldn't go on like this, she would keep hurting him, she didn't deserve him.

She looked up at the ding of the elevator and met Castle's intense blue eyes, filled with concern. She walked over to him, taking long strides, and led him to the break room, closing the door and blinds.

"What's up?" He asked, eyes boring into her, seeming to read her thoughts.

"This, us, isn't going to work. We can't go on like this, we're done." She choked out the last word, a stray tear tumbling down her cheek before she masked her features.

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Castle stood there in shock, opening his mouth and then closing it. Finally, the words started to tumble from his mouth, "Was it something I did? Is there someone else?"

"You were perfect, there's no one else, there never has been." Kate said softly.

"Then why are you doing this? If I did something I can fix it, just tell me what this is about."

"You couldn't have loved me better, but I don't deserve you." Kate sighed, knowing that he would try to fight for her, for _them._

"Don't-Kate if anyone is unworthy here it's me. You are perfect, you make me a better man. You've changed me, don't do this, not now." Rick pleaded, his voice cracking.

"I keep hurting you, and I love you so much, I love you enough to let you go and hope that someday you'll find someone else. Someone who doesn't keep breaking your heart, someone who deserves you."

"No, Kate, you don't get to do this, not after everything we've been through." Rick all but shouted, tears flowing from his eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Rick, and now I can't stop."

"That's exactly what you will do if you give up on us, you are the love of my life and if you walk away from this I will never recover. If you walk away I will never be the same, I'll never be happy again." Rick's voice shook, his cheeks stained with tears.

"It will hurt at first, but you'll move on. I love you Rick." Kate said, pressing a kiss to his lips, saying 'goodbye' and 'I'm sorry' in one kiss. Then, she turned away and ran out of the break room and out of his life.

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**Thoughts? I might continue this if you guys like it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's** **Note: Thank** **you to everyone who reviewed and added this fic to alerts/favorites! I decided to make this a multi-chapter fic. Please note that the past is written in ****_italics. _Sorry, it's a little short**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.**

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Kate ran out of the break room, tears burning at the back of her eyes.

'Hold them in, just until you get to the car.' She told herself, rapidly blinking away the tears. She ran down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator.

Kate got to her car and let the tears fall, they blurred her vision as they tumbled down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook with sobs, and her heart broke at the thought of what she had just lost. Kate knew she should have confronted him, should have given him a reason, but she could never make him choose between her and his daughter. So she made the choice for him, and as much as it hurt now, it would get better, had to get better.

'Who am I kidding,' She thought,'I'll never move on, he's my One and Done, my Always.' With that thought, she cried harder, realizing she had just lost the love of her life to his daughter. Alexis' harsh words came into her mind as she remembered yesterday.

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_Castle and Beckett jumped apart at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Alexis was standing a few feet away, glaring at her. Castle mumbled something about going to the bathroom and ran out._

_'Can I talk to you, Detective?' Alexis asked._

_'I'm sorry you had to find out about us that way.' Kate followed Alexis into the morgue._

_'Then maybe you shouldn't have made out right outside of where I work.' Alexis snapped._

_'Uh-' Kate started, before Alexis interrupted her.  
_

_'Do you know the hell my dad has been through because of you? Last summer, when you shut him out, I thought I had lost my dad forever, at least the man he used to be. It was like I was seeing some horror movie over and over again.' Alexis spat at the detective, fuming._

_'Alexis, I-'_

_'And now you claim to love him?' Alexis glared at Kate.'_

_'I do love him.' Kate said, hurt that Alexis would think differently. But then again, Alexis had seen how Kate had treated him before and she didn't reslly blame her for thinking that._

_'That's bull shit.' Alexis spat._

_Kate's face resembled one of someone who had just been slapped. She opened and closed her mouth, trying to find words._

_'Quit playing with him before you break him.' Alexis said angrily before stalking out of the morgue._

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Kate sank lower into the seat, telling her self that one day she would get over him, and maybe he would be able to move on. And maybe someday she would see and engagement notice in the paper, it would hurt, but at least he would have found his happiness.

"Kate?" Kate jumped, startled, as she looked into the eyes of her best friend, Lanie Parish.

"Ohmygosh Kate! What happened?" Lanie asked, seeing her friend's red, swollen eyes.

"I ended things with Rick, it's for the best." Kate said, getting out of the car.

"Then why do you look completely heartbroken?" Lanie asked as she pulled Kate in for a hug.

"I love him, but I keep hurting him." Kate sobbed into her friend's shoulder.

"Honey, you and Castle have something special, and nobody's perfect, from time to time you might hurt each other. You don't want to lose what you guys have."

"That's not the only reason." Kate whispered.

"What is the other reason?." Lanie raised an eyebrow.

"Someone said something, and I don't want him to have to choose between us."

"Who would this someone be?" Lanie demanded.

"Alexis."

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**Author's Note: Thoughts? Please review and tell me how I'm doing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is fairly short. Sorry it's taken me so long to update this, I have been out of town. Please let me know what you think, good or bad, feedback is always appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: The usual.**

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_"Who would this someone be?" Lanie demanded._

_"Alexis."_

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Kate averted her eyes to the ground, mentally slapping herself for telling Lanie.

"Kate Beckett, look at me," Lanie said sternly, "What happened? Because the Alexis I know would never try to break you two apart."

Kate sighed loudly, did no one else know how badly she had treated Castle? He deserved someone better, someone who would treat him better than she had.

"Alexis caught us making out," Kate could feel her cheeks heating up, "And, uh, she pulled me aside. She said that I didn't love her dad and that I needed to stop playing with his heart." Her voice hitched on the last word, tears threatening to pour down her cheeks once again.

"Do you love him?" Lanie asked, knowing the answer but needing to hear Kate admit it.

"How can you stand there and ask me that?" Kate demanded tears rolling down her cheeks, smudging her makeup, "of course I love him, I love him more than anything. He's my whole world and now he's gone."

Lanie grabbed Kate and hugged her to her. She hated seeing her friend like this.

"Shh, shh, it's going to be okay." Lanie said into Kate's hair, rubbing her back.

"How is it going to be okay? I lost the most important person in my life." Kate choked out before she started sobbing, her body shaking.

"It _will_ be okay. You know why?"

Kate shook her head, tears still running down her face.

"Because you are going to fight for him."

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**A/N: Okay, so this will have a happy ending, don't worry. There are probably one or two more chapters left. Please review!**


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